Bunny Has Spoken

I ran out of raw chicken after 3 dogs tonight, so I gave Bunny and Bud kibble. I turned around and caught Bunny pulling the raw chicken out of Cosmo's bowl and dragging it into her crate.

I guess the debate has ended.

34 Weeks

Geez I look huge. I never feel this huge looking at myself in the mirror!

I probably should have ironed my shirt or fixed my hair, but I am lounging around sick today, and one of my friends reminded me that I am far overdue on my promised belly pictures. So here it is- I figured I would take one while I was thinking about it. Only 2 months and 2 days left to go, and we're hoping for a couple weeks early (which the midwife says is possible from the looks of things) so maybe even less!

Evaluating Life

Exactly 2.2 months until the baby is born. I love round numbers.

I should really be in bed. For some reason I am back to not being able to sleep, though. Tonight, in particular, I am feeling very discontent. It's one of those "I have no idea what to do with my life" crisis nights. Never good.

I've sort of been on a break from having to deal with the evaluating life thing for the last few months- and when I say evaluating life, what I mean is the dreaded career goals topic that really needs to be addressed in my mind. Pregnancy, and the idea that nobody will hire you while you are pregnant, is a really good excuse to put the soul searching on hold.

So, here is where I stand. I will be 32 years old in exactly 10 days. I've never quite had the ambition to finish the last 2 years of my bachelor's degree. The job I used to have, which put me at the upper end of the pay scale for what most of my peers are making, deteriorated into a pile of garbage. Rather than bailing out when I should have I decided to wait. Finally couldn't stand it anymore (and wasn't making much money at it towards the end anyway) so I quit and started my own business doing the exact same thing, failing to remember the fact that I really detest sales even though I am pretty good at it. I would love to blame getting pregnant on the fact that I have been unable to find a regular job for the past few months, but if I want to be real with myself, I have to admit it's actually because I have no friggin clue what I want to do now. I'm not even sure I want a real job, because working for someone else often completely sucks. Not to mention, it's not always very lucrative, especially when you are already behind on your financial goals. I thought I'd have an easy time finding a job in my old industry, just not doing sales. I have lots of ins. It just hasn't panned out, though. Tonight I found out that the job I was really hoping would work out (I interviewed for it in the fall and even though the job was postponed they kept in touch with me) is no longer postponed... it has been canceled entirely. So there goes that. That was my best prospect. The others I have applied for in my industry have gone to internal candidates. Outside my industry I can't even get a phone call back from a resume.

So, what to do? I should probably start back at school in the summer, but I am sick of getting buried in student loans, and I have no idea what I want to major in. Until I have a clear goal in mind, school isn't going to have the desired outcome- finishing. Plus, does it really do you any good to get a Bachelors at 34? Where does that put me, entry level hell with a bunch of 20 somethings? I could try to find a job in a field that I am interested in NOW and finish school at the same time, which would put me ahead of the game. Of course that puts me in entry level hell now, and there is no way I want to put a baby in day care so that I can make peanuts while playing the corporate game again, trying to work my way up in a new industry.

If I had a better attitude things would probably be working out better! I can't help but feel like I have totally pissed off my life, though. It's time to get a better work ethic, too. By the time my mom died, I was so burnt out on working my a$$ off to overachieve and support everyone that I went in the completely opposite direction and just checked out of life. I really needed that, but didn't really have the luxury of being able to do that. Now I am on year 3 of being checked out, and it is starting to click in my head that it's no longer a break, but a lifestyle. Yikes, NOT the lifestyle I want. I mean, I can barely even claim my old identity anymore- I've developed an entirely new one- one that I hate.

If I really had my crap together I suppose I would pull my head out of my you know where and make my business work. It's not about loving your job, right? It's just about making the money. I used to think that way, and maybe I can do it again. I could certainly contact potential clients while the baby sleeps, and maybe I could find childcare a couple days a week and make those my exclusive "appointment" days where I am out of the house attending meetings. Plus, if I could just get my base income to a certain point, I could hire myself a cold caller. That's really the only part I object to- I love meeting clients and doing all the problem solving involved in managing accounts. I would probably take a class this summer at community college, too, and really work my butt off to get a good grade in it. Because getting a Bachelors in your 30s sucks, but if I am writing this same blog in my 40s it's pretty much a lost cause. There wouldn't be much down time, but maybe I need to get back into having a hectic life and things will start working for me again. I'm just so sick of feeling like a loser/failure. Plus, what kind of values am I going to instill in my daughter if I am a complete bum? I can't even figure out how to do the laundry half the time, so it's not even like I can sit around and pretend I'm domestic.

Comments are more than welcome.

Productive Day!

I love Jeff's parents. I really lucked out in the in-law department (as well as the husband department!). We're lucky that we live so close, and we get to see them as often as we do, and I'm excited that Matilda will have grandparents just down the road who will be really involved in her life. Today they came over and we had an extremely productive day.

Matilda's future room was pretty dismal, with dark blue paint and an American flag wallpaper border that had the Pledge of Allegiance written out on the stripes of the flag. Um, yuck. So we devoted a day to making the room pretty, bright, and very little girl friendly! The picture above is Jeff's dad, Howard, up on the ladder doing the trim work. I tried to get a picture of Diane, but will have to do that next time since apparently I haven't figured out the camera on my phone yet. Anyway, we decided on a color called Banana Whip, which is a creamy light yellow. It makes the room a lot more light and airy feeling than it was previously. We used to think of it as the dungeon! We didn't make as much progress as we had hoped today (we probably would have finished), because while Howard was peeling wallpaper border he discovered another layer of wallpaper underneath the border, which went all the way down the wall and was painted over!! Aaaah! This is what was in our kitchen, also, and caused us to lose a good portion of wall board. Rather than going through the whole ordeal of trying to remove the paint and the wallpaper, we decided to tack the wallpaper down and go over it. Eventually we'll have to get a steamer and just take all that junk off the wall since you can't just keep painting over it, but this will get us by for a few years until our next redecorating project. Diane spent almost the whole day priming it- I don't think she got to do any of the fun part, adding the new color. It was a mess. We still made a ton of progress, though. Once the primer dries really thoroughly, I can paint that wall. Then we have a date next Monday to put up the jungle theme decorations. More pictures to come :)

The other thing that got accomplished today was our chimney getting fixed. That is such a tremendous relief. If everyone remembers our roof leak back a few months ago, that was actually caused by the chimney being rotten. It looks like the previous owners tried replacing the chimney themselves, and it had been constructed from plywood which is A) flammable, B) not up to building code, and C) had completely rotted. Above is the new chimney, made of hardi plank. A couple shingles were also tacked down more securely near the chimney leak spot, and one of the gutters was nailed up more securely because it was dripping and causing water damage to the brick siding. We should be in good shape for the next rainy season, and before hurricane/tropical storm season starts again. Thank goodness!

A big thank you to everyone who helped get our house in order today!

Iron Update

I've actually been feeling A LOT better over the last few days! My midwife put me on 4 tablespoons of Floridix (above) which is an herbal liquid iron supplement (liquid is more easily absorbed by the body). I don't care what the granola crunchers on the ads tell you, the stuff tastes like a combination of compost and cow whiz (or at least what I imagine compost and cow whiz would taste like). The ingredients are carrot, nettle wort, spinach, quitch root, fennel, ocean kelp, and African mallow blossom extract, and a variety of juice concentrates. Mmmmmmm! I will say one thing, though. The crap works! I've gone 3 days with normal sleep patterns, which for me means that I haven't passed out in the middle of the day or needed an extended nap because of exhaustion. The only thing I don't like about Floridix (other than the taste) is the price tag. $25 at Whole Foods for this 250mg bottle, which lasted ONE WEEK!!!! Better prices can be had on the internet, and I need to order some tonight, but since I ran out more quickly than expected I may have to cough up another $25 at Whole Foods this week since I'm not entirely sure I can do without this stuff right now. Even at $17/bottle online, that is a high price tag for health! I'll definitely have to be on it for the next 2 months until Matilda is born, and from what I am reading probably about 6 months after, since that is how long it generally takes for your iron levels to go back to normal post baby.

I also read a very interesting article the day after my last blog. I was trying to read up on iron rich foods while making my grocery list for the week, and stumbled upon an article about iron absorbing foods and iron inhibiting foods. Basically, depending on what foods you eat when you take your iron supplements, you can either help your body absorb the iron, or you can flush your iron pill down the toilet (OK, maybe not that bad). Article here http://www.healthcastle.com for those who want to read. I was really interested to find out that I was eating foods that were hindering my iron absorption. For example, we all know that whole grains are excellent. However, I didn't know that they were iron absorption inhibitors. So what was I doing? Taking my iron pills in the morning along side 2 slices of whole wheat toast! Oranges and orange juice (which I have been CRAVING like mad lately... guess I know why now) help the body to absorb iron. So now I take my iron pills and floridix in the morning, chased with either an orange or a big glass of orange juice, and a breakfast food that doesn't inhibit iron absorption, like yogurt or eggs. I drink my tea (inhibitor) later in the day, and if I want anything whole wheat I also have that later in the day. I started this a couple days after I started the Floridix, so I didn't get a chance to trial and error which method helps more, or if it is a combination of the two. I'm just going to keep doing what I am doing for now, though, because I can't afford to have my iron levels drop again.

The Dirtiest Little Piggy In Town

Go ahead and click on the pictures to enlarge. Pay close attention to the paws and belly. I don't know how he does it. I don't know why he does it. Cosmo likes to be filthy, though. He actually has dreadlocks on his belly! When he gets up off the floor, he leaves a smeared on mud stain where he was laying. That amount of caked on mud has got to itch, but giving him a bath is a lost cause. I actually think that he is taking his cammo coloring a bit too seriously. I discovered today that he has made muddy trenches next to the fence, right by the Chow mix neighbors whom he likes to torment. Perhaps he has declared war on them, and lays in waiting on his belly in the trenches. DISGUSTING!

On a better note, look at how stinking GOOD he looks! Bright shiny coat, vivid markings, good weight, bright eyes. Cosmo LOVES raw feeding. Cosmo alone has 100% sold me on it by doing so remarkably well. The other dogs I do notice a difference with and they like it, but I might be willing to switch back to a decent kibble if I was having a hard time maintaining raw. Cosmo, though, will never eat kibble again. He'll be eating raw for the rest of his life. I've never seen a dog thrive so much from a diet change.

Updates

I feel like I've been neglecting the blog lately. Though, I sort of feel like everyone's been neglecting their blogs lately. We must all be recovering from the holiday lull. Here are a few updates:

72 days to go until Matilda is here! That means 2.4 months, which means about 10 weeks. Grandma is willing her to come 2 weeks early (which I am all for) because her cousin is due 6 days afterward, and that's a lot of bonding and parental assistance to cram in over such a short period, especially when the grand babies are being born in separate states! We're just about ready for her arrival, too. Friends and family have been very generous, so she is fully furnished and has a wardrobe to last through her first 9 months. Jeff and I finally got into gear on clearing all of our excess junk out of her room, and on Monday Grandma & Grandpa are coming over to help with painting and decorating (poor Grandpa, that's what he gets for having a day off work!).

Jeff and I have been volunteering at the dog adoption most Saturdays. We have a lot of fun with it, though it isn't quite as satisfying every time as it was that first weekend. I would say we had the best case scenario our first weekend out, with lots of small adoptable breeds. The second weekend we had all large breeds and got a taste of the uglier side of adoption events. We had a very sweet YOUNG pit bull puppy with a rope/cord scar around her ankle. Probably a bait dog. Most of the more respectable looking people were turned off by the breed, and then of course there were the not so respectable people who were turned on by her breed for all the wrong reasons. Sigh. Same thing with the Rottweiler puppies we had there (though a couple of them did fare well and find good homes). The best you can really do is try to educate the nicer people about the breeds and their temperaments, the difference between bad breeds vs bad owners, and hope you helped to crush a stereotype. Then you have to turn the bad people away like the scum suckers they are, and when you send the dog back to the shelter at the end of the day you just hope that right person will come in and give them a home. The fact is, though, that I get the euthanasia lists each week and 50% are pit bulls. Many are aggressive because Texas has a huge problem with fighting rings. Some just sit there past the time limit, though. I've just resigned myself to the fact that I can't bring them all home, and that if a dog doesn't find a home that day, at least we can give them a couple hours of human interaction and scratches behind the ears like all dogs deserve before they head back to the shelter life.

Quinn started his new semester in school, and seems to like his classes. He's in all the same classes as last semester, except that he dropped digital graphics (which he hated) and is taking band instead. His counselor found out that he used to play the drums, so they recruited him. He's not quite sure what he's doing in band yet (he has only been in for 2 days) so it's a wait and see to find out if he likes it. The schedule change did put him in a different period for photo journalism, which is one of his favorite classes. He has a new teacher for that class, and that's ended up being really good because his old teacher was never there so he usually had a sub. He feels like he's getting a lot more out of the class now. Quinn also scored a 1700 on his PSAT, and in 2 of the 3 test categories he was ranked higher than 95% of the other sophomores taking the test (in the whole nation, not just his school). I have a smart brother! Now I just hope he gets interested in college. If he actually worked hard in school rather than just putting in his time, I think he would have a lot of options open to him in a couple years.

Jeff and Quinn can't seem to stay healthy. They've both been sick twice in the last 3 months, and Jeff has actually had bronchitis both times. The doctor Quinn went to said it could be an allergy response, so I have been trying to tackle that hard to beat bathroom mildew (gotta love humidity), and also stay on top of the dog hair a bit more. I'm hoping that will help them both. It's January 14th today, and Jeff has used all but 2 of his sick days for the whole year!!

Being pregnant doesn't completely suck yet, even though I am at the tail end of it. I know I owe Traci some belly pictures before it's all over, too! Anyway, the only bad thing is that I am tired all the time, and after another blood test we found out that I am still anemic. I've always been anemic, so that first test wasn't a real shock. The midwife has had me on iron supplements for the past 2 months, though, so she was pretty disheartened when the second test came back no better than the first. She said most people on the supplement are fine after a couple months. Now I am on a second iron supplement (on top of still taking the first one) that I started two days ago. I keep feeling more and more exhausted and run down, though. We haven't discussed what will happen if my anemia doesn't go away, but I am getting pretty concerned. You have to remain low risk to have a home birth. So far I've passed all the tests (even the glucose test, which had me a little worried!) but anemia puts you into a higher risk category. I am really starting to stress about what's going to happen if it doesn't go away. So everyone just think good thoughts! 4 more weeks and Matilda would be completely in the clear if she happened to be born. I'm kind of excited to make it through this OK and just enjoy her, rather than stressing out and hoping everything is alright.

That's it for the updates this week, but check baby for baby room pics and belly pics, coming soon.